Bridgeport Mentality

The Reader

Yuck. I get depressed when I read this blog. I have gotten more emotional and wiser in the last few years. I've been hurt. I've grown up. I've become a terrible writer. 

I saw the Reader last night. I didn't realize that it was going to be about the Holocaust. I think I must've heard about Revolutionary Road and mixed them up. 

I loved it. I loved David Kross and am a bit perturbed that he is only 18. Makes me feel old and perverse. I knew he was a Cancer as soon as I saw his face in the movie. Kate Winslet was great and the unlikely love quickly became believable to me. I just read as much as I could find on Kross (nothing!) and saw that he learned English to play the part! That is incredible! He was well-spoken and expressive and clearly Oscar-worthy himself.

Now, I am going to write a song called "Kristy Dreams of Crepes" to rival Broken Social Scene's Ibi Dreams of Pavement.

Laughing

I'm laughing at my last post where I say that the budget is unlimited. October seems like a world away from today.

California Dreamin'

I am going to LA in less than two weeks. I'm flying into LAX, then staying in B. HIlls and Woodland Hills. What do we think? Fun things going to happen? Ideas? The budget is currently unlimited.

I Hate YouTube.

Am I the only person in the world who hates YouTube? My younger brother (21) is so disracted by this effing site, that whenever we are chatting online, he interjects with a YouTube link. This tells me two things:

1) I know that IM chatting is informal, but my brother must be so disinterested in what I am saying that he has to watch a YouTube video while I am asking him about school. A British advertisement or older lady dancing to a rap song is far more important than me.
And 2) The person posting the YouTube link on their blog, myspace profile, or as a link in an IM or e-mail is PROVING to me that they spend a lot of time on YouTube looking for videos that they think I would like. Thanks, but I do just fine rotting my brain with my own tools on my own time.

I'd like undivided attention during our weekly five-minute chat. Curiosity never gets the best of me, and I have never clicked your YouTube link. I have never seen anything educational - let me take that back - I've never seen anything that's even been a step above PURE SMUT on YouTube. Read a book.

Self-Improvement Project: Take One

1. Drink only water and coffee. 16 oz of coffee in the morning and water ONLY throughout the rest of the day. Absolutely no exceptions.

2. Do not listen to any sick, sad music.

That's all for now. Let's see if I can do it.

Macbook

So, I have a new publisher program on my new Macbook called iWeb (what else would it be called?) that helps me create blogs. It is kind of pointless since you need a .Mac account to post to your .Mac site in order to utilize it fully.

Anyway, I am unsure as to whether or not I like my new computer. It is almost exactly like my old iBook even though my iBook is four years old - which is kind of daunting, since I was expecting an all new and updated Apple experience. I would like to think that there would have been more upgrades and features.

​


This is sick

But I was thinking that if I were to plan on having a kid - I mean really plan and think it through (which is duhhhhhh ideal anyway) - I would try to pick the kid's sign. Yep, it's wrong, but I don't care. My mom is perfect for me. She's a Leo and I think it has a lot to do w/ my positive upbringing. Only more recently has she become more critical and negative, but I think it has to do w/ the fact that she worries about me & her ascending sign is Scorpio. I'm not going to really talk about my dad being a Gem cuz most of you already know how I feel about Gems in general. I will say, however, that air feeds fire and I can see how that works in the context of our relationship. So, here's my breakdown by sign regarding my opening sentence:

Aries - nah, i'd miss them too much when they're travelling.
Taurus - absolutely not
Gemini - no way. especially not a male
Cancer - no way. they'd either hate me or love me and I cant' deal with that
Leo - surely even though they'd have to be the center of attention at all times.
Virgo - no. too negative and critical for me.
Libra - top choice for sure
Scorpio - no
Sagittarius - of course
Capricorn - top pick of the earth signs
Aquarius - Yes. I just love air signs. I can't help it.
Pisces - natural enemy. no way.

I think the best combo would be a Libra male child and an Aquarius female child. I don't think I could handle having a Libra female who is a materialist.


anyway, I also did my chart on another site (astro.com) and it said my ascending sign is Scorpio. I was born @ 5:27AM and I would have had to have been born a couple hours later or earlier in order to have ascending Sag or Libra. So long story short, the explanation I read on astro about ascending Scorpio is much more like me than I had originally had read in Jeff Prince's report. I think that living w/ two Scorps bring out the Scorp in me a lot, too.

Year in Review

(1) What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?
+ graduated from a university with a Bachelor of Arts degree

(2) Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
+ Yes. I have been poignantly optimistic most of this year.

(3) What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
+Some sort of roughly outlined life plan. I’m working on that now.

(4) Where did you travel?
+ Arizona
+


(5) What dates from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory?
+ June 25
+ September 30

(6) What was your biggest achievement of the year?
+ Ending a toxic relationship for good

(7) What was your biggest failure?
+ Working at this awful establishment & not leaving when I had the opportunity.

(8) Did you suffer from illnesses or injuries?
+ Fortunately not

(9) What was the best thing you bought?
+ I didn’t buy anything worthwhile this year except a plane ticket.

(10) Where did most of your money go?
+ to pay for my


(11) What did you get really, really, really excited about?
+ Namely the White Sox

(12) What song will always remind you of 2006?
+ Dakota by the Stereophonics. :(

(13) What album(s) will always remind you of 2006?
+I can’t come up with one.

(14) Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) Happier or sadder? I do not remember how I felt this time last year, but I know I was on Christmas vacation from college, so it was probably damn good. I’ll pass.
b) Thinner or fatter? Thinner, I think
c) Richer or poorer? Surely poorer; no more student loan money

(15) What do you wish you'd done more of?

+ Traveling

(16) What do you wish you'd done less of?
+


(17) How will you be spending New Year's Eve?
+ I’m unsure.

(18) Did you fall in love in 2006?
+ Yes. With life.

(19) What was your favorite TV program?
+ House Hunters on HGTV

(20) Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
+ I don’t hate

(21) What was the best book you read?
+

(22) What was your favorite film of this year?
+


(23) What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
+ I was 23. I cried and drank Bud Light alone part of the night, then sat on my front porch with my lovely boyfriend and best friend and we drank whiskey & diet Dr. Pepper

(24) What one thing would have made your year measurably more satisfying?
+ Cold, hard cash

(25) How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
+ Comfortable. Or should I say, casual?


(26) What kept you sane?
+ My mother. She has also driven me to the brink of insanity several times.

(27) What is one thing you've learned this year?
+ If you display that you are truly happy, people will be happy with you.

I haven't been around in a while. I actually came on here to make a list of pet peeves. I'm sure I will just add to it as time goes on...

1. time left on the microwave. is it so difficult to hit "clear" when you're done heating your sloppy joes?

2. girls who wear too much make-up. blush is supposed to be subtle. did you know that i saw you the other day at the dominick's on ashland with your mother? you weren't wearing make-up and you looked so much better than how you look on weekday mornings with garbage plastered all over your cheeks. get a clue.

3. extremely crowded bars where i feel old; i am only 23. i should not feel old in any drinking establishment.

4. unsolicited advice. especially when it comes from someone who has no room to talk. with the risk of sounding extremely cliche, i must say that everyone is different. do not criticize someone for their choices merely because you wouldn't have handled a situation the same way.

5. people who feel that they need to surround themselves with many other people - most of the time this includes shallow people who do not give a shit about said person to begin with. i don't have many friends, but i like it that way. i dont want to spend a lot of time keeping up with dozens of friends' lives. i have a hard enough time keeping up with the handful of friends i have.

6. this stems from the immediate above blurb - holding onto friendships that are obviously dead. why try to repair a relationship for the billionth time? shouldn't a person just go out and make a new friend with all that energy? hopefully a friend who is going to treat you much more appropriately than previous "dead" friend.

7. chauvinism.

8. to be continued

More OKCupid Stuff

In honor of the election tomorrow:

You are a Social Liberal (80% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (18% permissive) You are best described as a: Socialist Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

I'm Such a Good Girl. This Isn't Fair.

I'm not sure that I like OKCUPID anymore. I mean, every time I take their main "okcupid test" I get a different score. The first time I took it, I got "the Intern" and now it says that she is my exact opposite.

So, here I am.

The Sudden Departure Random Brutal Love Master (RBLMf) Sweet. Dear. Loving. At Gate 18. Final call. You are The Sudden Departure. You've been in a lot of serious relationships. More than a few have ended ugly. Uglily. Whatever. Our guess is that you're a really fantastic girl who doesn't really know what she wants, and you've broken a few hearts as a result. You fall for people easily, and you enjoy the feeling of falling in love, but once you're there, either boredom or the old "grass is greener" syndrome sets in. The mind wanders, and with it goes the flesh. And then the toiletries. Your exact opposite: The Intern Deliberate Gentle Sex Dreamer We know you're not the classic "love 'em and leave 'em" type, at least not in a purely sexual sense. You have too many serious bonding tendencies for that. But even though you're theoretically looking to settle down, you don't settle long on one person. "Serial monogamist" is probably something you hear a lot. "Emotionally loose" is another way to put it. To the poor guys eating your dust and sniffing your panties, it doesn't really make much difference. Of course, it's not really your fault that people get hurt. You have every right to move on when you choose. ALWAYS AVOID: The Backrubber, The Gentleman CONSIDER: The Vapor Trail, someone just like you

I stole this off Craigslist MC's. I don't know if it's original. Maybe someone can tell me if they have seen it somewhere else. I kind of like it. Kind of idiotic, but cute. I corrected the spelling/grammar/punctuation mistakes and reformatted to suit my tastes.

Only blue skies and green grass would keep you in my grip
but surely time will tell
if false smiles and vivid love arewhat caused you to slip

Slip away
I don't say you could not possibly know the time
I'm late again, my friend, and you always say, "I'm fine"

But you're not
Why lie?
It's easy to see
I just only wish you could tell me.

The things you think when you stare in to my eyes
Is it me that you despise?

Shot down from the sky
cold and worried
waiting to die

Lots of changes going on in my life lately. Mix that up in a shaker with a lack of Internet for nearly two weeks and you find yourself without an update.

I started posting this blog with a lot to say, but now I realize that I don't really have anything that isn't too personal to share with the world. Let's just say that I am really happy.

So, on that note: see ya!

Blogger is having a "scheduled outage" at 4PM apparently.

The Sox need to win.

I turned my heat on this morning because it was freezing. What the fuck? I thought it was supposed to still be summer.

I scored some sweet Sox tickets for Thursday. Oh yes. Gosh.

My apartment is totally unliveable at the moment and I don't see how it will be ready for us to move in on Saturday.

I have a taste for some Cabernet Sauvignon. Which reminds me of a quote from Shopgirl with the burgundy wine @ the nice restaurant. Whatever.

I have a lot more to say, but my horoscope said I should keep it to myself for today. Let's see if that's possible.

ENFP Relationships



ENFPs take their relationships very seriously, but also approach them with a childlike enthusiasm and energy. They seek and demand authenticity and depth in their personal relationships, and will put forth a lot of effort into making things work out. They are warm, considerate, affirming, nurturing, and highly invested in the health of the relationship. They have excellent interpersonal skills, and are able to inspire and motivate others to be the best that they can be. Energetic and effervescent, the ENFP is sometimes smothering in their enthusiasm, but are generally highly valued for their genuine warmth and high ideals.

ENFP Strengths

Most ENFPs will exhibit the following strengths with regards to relationships issues:

Good communication skills
Very perceptive about people's thought and motives
Motivational, inspirational; bring out the best in others
Warmly affectionate and affirming
Fun to be with - lively sense of humor, dramatic, energetic, optimistic
Strive for "win-win" situations
Driven to meet other's needs
Usually loyal and dedicated
ENFP Weaknesses

Most ENFPs will exhibit the following weaknesses with regards to relationship issues:

Tendency to be smothering
Their enthusiasm may lead them to be unrealistic
Uninterested in dealing with "mundane" matters such as cleaning, paying bills, etc.
Hold onto bad relationships long after they've turned bad
Extreme dislike of conflict
Extreme dislike of criticism
Don't pay attention to their own needs
Constant quest for the perfect relationship may make them change relationships frequently
May become bored easily
Have difficulty scolding or punishing others
ENFPs as Lovers

"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before." -- Rollo May

ENFPs make warm, considerate, passionate partners who are generally willing, eager, and able to do whatever it takes to make The Relationship a positive place to be. They are enthusiastic, idealistic, focused on other people's feelings, and very flexible. These attributes combine to make them especially interested in positive personal relationships, and also makes them very able to promote strong relationships in fun and creative ways. ENFPs take their commitments very seriously, and are generally deeply loyal and faithful to their partners.

There are a couple of difficult relationship areas for the ENFP. The first problem is that many ENFPs have a problem leaving bad relationships. They tend to internalize any problems and take them on their own shoulders, believing that the success or failure of the relationship is their own responsibility. As perfectionists, they don't like to admit defeat, and will stick with bad situations long after they should have left. When they do leave the relationship, they will believe that the failure was their fault, and that there was surely something they could have done to save the relationship.

On the entirely other end of the spectrum, many ENFPs have a difficult time staying focused and following things through to completion. If they have not focused on their ability to follow through, they may have problems staying in dedicated, monogamous relationships. They are so in tune with all of the exciting possibilities of what could be, that they will always fantasize about a greener pasture out there somewhere. If they are not paired with a partner who enjoys new experiences, or who shares their idealistic enthusiasm, the ENFP may become bored. The ENFP who is bored and who is not focused will be very unhappy, and will eventually "leave" the relationship if the problem is not addressed.

Since relationships are central to the ENFP's life, they will be very "hands on" and involved with their intimate relationships. They may be in the habit of constantly asking their partner how they're doing, what they're feeling, etc. This behavior may be a bit smothering, but it also supports a strong awareness of the health (or illness) of the relationship.

Sexually, The ENFP is creative, perfectionistic, playful and affectionate. Their rich fantasy world makes them fun and creative lovers, who usually have new ideas up their sleeves. They whole-heartedly embrace the opportunity for closeness with their mates, believing sexual intimacy to be a positive, fun way to express how much you love each other.

The ENFP needs to be given positive assurance and affirmation. More than one ENFP has been known to "go fishing" for compliments. They like to hear from their significant others that they are loved and valued, and are willing and eager to return the favor. They enjoy lavishing love and affection on their mates, and are creative and energetic in their efforts to please. The ENFP gets a lot of their personal satisfaction from observing the happiness of others, and so is generally determined to please and serve their partners.

A problem area for ENFPs in relationships is their dislike of conflict and sensitivity to criticism. They are perfectionists who believe that any form of criticism is a stab at their character, which is very difficult for them to take. Conflict situations are sources of extreme stress to the ENFP. They have a tendency to brush issues under the rug rather than confront them head-on, if there is likely to be a conflict. They are also prone to "give in" easily in conflict situations, just to end the conflict. They might agree to something which goes against their values just to end the uncomfortable situation. In such cases, the problem is extended and will return at a later time. The ENFP needs to realize that conflict situations are not the end of the world. They are entirely normal, and can be quite helpful for the growth of a relationship. They also need to work on taking criticism for what it is, rather than blowing up any negative comment into an indictment against their entire character.

Generally, the ENFP is a warm and affirming creature who is very interested and able to have an intense, meaningful, close relationship with their mate.

Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, ENFP's natural partner is the INTJ, or the INFJ. ENFP's dominant function of Extraverted Intuition is best matched with a partner whose dominant function is Introverted Intuition. How did we arrive at this?

ENFPs as Parents

"You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth...
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable." -- Kahlil Gibran

ENFPs take their parenting role very seriously, but are also very playful. There's a bit of grown-up kid in every ENFP, so they get a lot of fun and enjoyment from playing with their children. However, they consider it essential to pass their strongly-held values and beliefs down to their children, and will strive consistently to create a positive, ideal environment for their children's growth.

The ENFP may exhibit an inconsistency in their roles with their children. At one moment, they might be their child's best friend, laughing and whooping it up, and in the next moment they may appear the stern authoritarian. This inconsistency seems to be a result of a conflict between the ENFP's genuine desire to relate to their children on the children's level, and their compulsion to follow their deeply-felt value system. In other words, the ENFP wants to be their child's friend, but if a value is violated, they will revert to the parental role to make sure their children understand the violation. This inconsistency may be confusing and frustrating for the children.

The children of ENFPs generally feel loved, because the ENFP gives their children plenty of genuine warmth and support. They usually value their children as individuals, allowing them room for growth. The ENFP's enthusiasm and affection may at times seem smothering to their children. This will be especially true for children with strong Thinking or Sensing preferences, who will have a difficult time understanding the effervescence of the ENFP, and will feel at times embarassed by the ENFP's enthusiasm and tendency to display their affection publicly.

The ENFP is able to take care of day-to-day necessities, such as picking children up at the correct times, getting them to softball practice, getting them fed, etc. However, it is a chore for the ENFP and is not a natural strength. The ENFP also has a difficult time disciplining their children, unless a very strongly-held value has been violated.

The rich imagination and creativity of the ENFP parent creates a fun, dynamic and exciting environment for kids. The ENFP's strong value system turns experiences into meaningful lessons for their children. The ENFP parent is valued by their children for their warm, affirming natures, and their fun-loving approach to living.

ENFPs as Friends

ENFPs are warm and sociable people who are keenly in tune with other people's feelings and perspectives. They are energetic and fun to be with. They are very affirming, and get great satisfaction from supporting and lifting up others. They are idealists who seek authenticity in their personal relationships. ENFPs are valued by their peers and confidantes as warm, supportive, giving people.

In the workplace or other casual relationship environments, the ENFP is likely to get along well with almost all other types of people. ENFPs are genuinely interested in people, and are highly perceptive about them, to the point where they're able to understand and relate to all of the personality types with relative ease. They like to see the best in others, and are likely to bring out the best in others. While they are generally accepting of most all people, ENFPs with strong Feeling preferences may have a difficult time understanding people with very strong Thinking preferences who do not respond to the ENFP's enthusiastic warmth. The ENFP will stay open-minded about what they consider a "rejection" by the Thinker, until the situation has repeated itself a few times, in which case the ENFP may shut themselves entirely against the Thinker.

ENFPs may also feel threatened by individuals with strong Judging preferences. With a tendency to take any criticism personally, the ENFP may find themselves irritated or emotional when the Judger expresses a negative opinion, believing somehow that the Judger is expressing disapproval or disappointment in the ENFP.

For close friendships, ENFPs are especially drawn to other iNtuitive Feeling types, and to other Extraverts who are also enthusiastic about life. Like the other iNtuitive Feeling types, the ENFP needs authenticity and depth in their close relationships. They're likely to have friends from all walks of life who they feel close to and care about, but will have only a few very close friends with similar ideals to their own. The ENFP also tends to value the company of iNtuitive Thinkers.



http://www.personalitypage.com/ENFP_rel.html

Very Superstious

Sorry, but I had to post this because I am afraid of what will happen if I don't pass it along ;)

Good Karma

________________________________________
I N S T R U C T I O N S F O R L I F E
1. Take into account that great love and great achievements
involve great risk.

2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.

3. Follow the three R’s: Respect for self, Respect for others and Responsibility for all your actions.

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great relationship.

7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

8. Spend some time alone every day.

9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.

10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.

12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.

13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.

14. Share your knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality.

15. Be gentle with the earth.

16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.

17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

The mantra must leave your hands within 96 hours.

Big Guy has been singing this song and whistling along. Quite possibly the funniest thing I've heard in a long time

I don't think I live in the past. I think I live in the future. But whatev. I don't kill people for a living.


Which John Cusack Are You?

Moon in Libra

You like to make friends. You are very sociable, and are attracted to people and situations that present you with a sense of balance. You look for partnership in all aspects of you life; love, business and friends. People consider you to be popular, affectionate and generous. In short, your life revolves around people. Usually it is just one person, a person with powerful persuasion over your life. Your love of people, company and sociality blinds you to others influence over you. Your judgement can often be swayed or affected by others. You have artistic potential, whether you have explored it or not. This explains your love for music, paintings, and fine arts in general. You have a good fashion sense, and hopefully your wardrobe expresses this. The Moon in Libra gives you a harmonious outlook on life. Partnership and balance are the key themes in your life. Someone else influences everything you do in your life. You are much more productive in the company of others.

____________________________________________________



find yours here here: http://www.ofesite.com/spirit/horoscop/moonsign/moonform.htm

Let me preface this by saying that I love my mother more than anyone.

But Jesus H. Christ, can she cut me a little slack once in a while?

Last night she was telling me a story about something that happened to her and I was shaking my head the whole time and when she was done (no, I did NOT interrupt) I pleasantly disagreed with the conclusions she had drawn about the situation she outlined in her story.

No matter what I tell her she has something negative/kill joyish to say. So she starts telling me how pessimistic and negative I am! WTF! Anyone who knows me knows that I am probably the most optimistic/least cynical person around.

I swear that if I told my mom that I won a million dollars, she would say "well, you know you have to pay taxes on it, so it's almost not even worth it!!!"


"You guys should live on the first floor so that you don't have to move all that furniture up three flights."


"You know no one's going to want to help you move all that furniture up three flights of stairs!!!"

Something to Say

It's like I am stuck in the relvoving door and I can't get out. Well, I can get out, but I just don't want to.

And it's one of those revolving doors that you have to push with all of your might to turn.

is someone getting the best the best the best the best of you?

I was reading this Sylvia Browne book yesterday on the train and bus and I was laughing embarrassingly loudly to myself. I had to call A to make it look like someone on the phone was making me laugh because it was ridiculous. If anyone wants to borrow it, just let me know because it is incredibly amusing.

I am changing my profile picture on this blog because I know that it probably is really difficult for A to come on here and look at it. I mean, I can't believe I was being so disregardful (I don't care if that's not a word) all along. I guess it's because I felt that if I took away that kissy faced picture, I would be giving away that time period when things were simple. Things were easy and I was going to school knowing (thinking) that I would want to work at my current job after graduation making a living wage (I use that term loosely). I thought everything was going to stay the same - that I'd be spending my free time drinking $2 draft beers, talking about the world's problems and philosophy and walking my dog through the park to play in the tennis courts with other dogs. I thought I'd be able to smoke cigarettes forever without dying. I thought that I'd be standing up to my best friend's wedding. I thought that was real. It wasn’t. I thought I'd continue to get parking tickets once a week and wait by my e-mail for an update on what was in store for the future. I thought that I could continue on ordering pizzas from the Giordano's in Logan Square and pay for them with my debit card when they were delivered. I thought I would carry around my cigarette butts until the next garbage can for fear that I would get yelled at. I thought that there would be many more empty Christmases - and there were - but they weren't that bad. I thought that there'd be more meetings and margaritas. There were. And they tasted better. For real.

I have been taking a peek at my old entries in this modest space on the net that I like to call my weblog. I noticed a number of depressing things.

One is that I used to write relatively well. I used to care about not only my grammar, word usage and spelling, but also language, context, content and stories. You know those stories… the ones that brought you onto the train or bus with me. Or better yet, into my base for a few minutes. This dates back to the things I wrote before the big “DELETE” that I had. I wish I could get those entries back. I used to be able to put my feelings on “paper”. Actually, I don’t think I have lost the ability to put things on paper; I believe that I have in fact lost the ability to feel all together.

I used to be so incredibly passionate. I was looking over my Friendster profile (thanks) and I had listed a slew of things that used to interest me. I had to delete most of them because I no longer give a flying fuck. I realized recently that I no longer give a flying fuck about much.

[And no, it’s not because I started hanging out with you. I don’t know if you remember this because you were so drunk, but I was complaining about how my brain is fading and you said it’s probably because I am hanging out with you. I would argue that you’re actually bringing back the old me – the one that enjoys herself. Anyway, here’s your shout out right in the middle of my blog entry that you asked for.]

Let me begin by pointing out that I work a job that rots my brain; I have no need to be creative here. It is not necessary for me to interact in a creative and socially acceptable fashion with those around me. It is all informal hurry rush speed to get things done that have deadlines at the last minute. Before the impending doom of a deadline sets in, it is mostly sitting around and teasing each other or trying to delve into each other’s personal lives. And most of the biggest offenders are gone right now.

I am going to try to write in my not-so-beloved blog more often so that I am not married to the fruitless tens of thousands of pages of rants and raves on Chicago’s craigslist.

Maybe I will go back to school in January. Maybe I’ll work on a Master’s program for some field into which I am not sure I want to venture. That will put me well into debt. I can finally see the light with regard to my debt; it’s not looking as dim anymore. And that’s comforting. Unfortunately, my brain is dimming as my debt is shrinking.

What the hell am I afraid of? Spending my time caring about people and causes only to get screwed over in the end? What is the point of that? Isn’t life for living? I am trying to live and feel like I used to, but in my old age I have become Kautious Kristy. I am afraid of feeling, caring and getting hurt. I am afraid of saying what I feel because I fear that I will not be taken seriously. Who am I to be so self absorped, anyway? I have it pretty good.

As my lovely Allman Brothers myspace song states, I Ain’t Wastin’ Time No More. This is it. This is life. And as a wise man once said, “if you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it”.

‘Cause All You Need is a Pretty Song

It is twenty-five below zero in my office. My left eye itches – kind of like there is an eye lash in it or if I just made out with a big, fluffy cat to which I am allergic. My right eye is weepy. I keep rubbing both of them. I slept approximately 10 hours last night, but I am still sleepy. Or maybe my eyes are just tricking me into thinking that I am drowsy since they hurt so much and I don't want to keep them open.

Jen called to inform me that she in fact had not been kidnapped on the Metra SouthWest service line, but that she has the day off. Must be nice. I wish I were on vacation. Why is it that everyone is on vacation? Or planning a vacation? Why am I stuck here with my weepy eyes staring at this piece of crap computer? I swear I will reach the end of the Internet soon. What will I do then? Turn it off and read something corporeal? But what would I be doing at home? Watching Maury? Walking the dog? Eating? Napping? Well, all of that sounds ok right about now.

I know I sound like I am in a bad mood, but I’m really not. Life is pretty much all sunshine and puppy dogs for now. Thank God I don’t wear a watch; I would have already looked at it forty-seven times today. Yesterday went by so quickly.

you drive me crazy; i just can't sleep

I thought purgatory was supposed to be temperate. It burns like hell!

And You're Far Too Kind

I've been thinking a lot about the phrase "love is blind" lately.

I decided to look up the origin and of course, it came from Shakespeare:

The Merchant Of Venice

Here, catch this casket; it is worth the pains.
I am glad 'tis night, you do not look on me,
For I am much ashamed of my exchange:
But love is blind and lovers cannot see
The pretty follies that themselves commit;
For if they could, Cupid himself would blush
To see me thus transformed to a boy.

I'm gonna tell my son to grow up pretty as the grass is green
And whip-smart as the English Channel's wide
And I'm gonna tell my son to keep his money in his mattress
And his watch on any hand between his thighs
And I'm gonna lock my son up in a tower
'til I write my whole life story on the back of his big brown eyes

















I'm gonna tell my son to join a circus so that death is cheap
And games are just another way of life
And I'm gonna tell my son to be a prophet of mistakes
because for every truth there are half a million lies
And I'm gonna lock my son up in a tower
Till he learns to let his hair down far enough to climb outside

Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eater

Post a comment w/ your answers. What do you think about these things?...

drama:

moving away from everyone you have ever known:

getting yourself pregnant with invitro fertilization (and single parenting):

dating while you're pregnant (if you're a guy, pretend you're female):

guys who are in bands into their middle 30s:

generic/ store brand foods (do you buy them? do you look down on those who do?):

juggling multiple boyfriends/girlfriends at the same time (none are serious):

the self esteem of young teenage girls (13-14):

organized religion:

expensive shoes (oh, and what's expensive to you?):

the phrase "once a cheater, always a cheater":

bismillah ir rhman ir raheem

Writing this letter to you. If I could, you know I would just hold your hand and you would understand...

Dont change your name; keep it the same for fear I may lose you again. I know you won't, it's just that I am unorganized and I want to find you when something good happens. If you come down, we'll go to town. I haven't been there for years, but I'd be fine wasting our time and not doing anything here - just doing nothing. I've been inclined to believe it never would. I'd go for broke if I could be with you. So, don't try to run up on my ear talking all that nasty shit and trying to ask me shit. I'm running out in the big city blinking. What was I thinking when I let go of you? Let us forget about the tongue-tied lightning. This is not a joke so please stop smiling.

What was I thinking when I said it didn't hurt?